More than I deserve
by Falcons-Tears
Summary: When Reid comes to work with his hair short, the team doesn't think much of it. When he stops with the random statistics, the team starts to worry. When Reid explodes when Derek calls him Pretty Boy, they realize something is really wrong with him. SLASH!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Okay, I know you'll probably hate me for it, but I've started a new story *nervous smile* I'm not entirely sure which direction this is going to take, but the story starts after **"Exit Wounds"** and well I guess there are spoilers for** "The Internet is forever"**, well actually only Hotch's boyband comment, but after that it will take a different direction than the show did... and it will be a totally different case than the one in "The Internet is forever".

Oh and just so you're warned: This is going to be **SLASH** and will probably deal with other sensitive topics, but I'll put a warning in the chapters when that happens *nods*

And I'm really sorry that the first chapter might be a little confusing, but I promise there won't be that many POV changes in the following chapters as there are in this chapter *nods*

I really hope you will like the new story, even though the plotline is probably not the most original, but the plotbunny just wouldn't leave me alone *sigh* and comments would be most appreciated *big Reid-Puppy-Dog-Eyes*

And please keep in mind that English isn't my native language so I hope the grammar mistakes aren't too bad...

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**Summary:** When Reid comes to work with his hair short, the team doesn't think much of it. When he stops with the random statistics at any given opportunity, the team starts to notice the other little changes in the genius. When Reid explodes when Derek calls him Pretty Boy, they all realize that something is seriously wrong with him. The question now is what? (SLASH!)

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**Disclaimer: **None of the CM characters belong to me… I just borrowed them for this little story… my OC'S do belong to me though… this story doesn't mean to offend anybody… this is just for fun… and not for money either...

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><p><strong>More than I deserve<strong>

**Chapter 1**

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><p>.<p>

"_I'm not sleeping with Reid."_

Spencer Reid still couldn't believe that Derek Morgan had said those words.

The man he considered his best friend, the man he had had feelings for longer than he could really remember.

The words had stung, more than Spencer cared to admit.

And that was why he was now sitting here in that bar, nursing his third beer of the evening.

Sure, he knew that alcohol was never a solution and his mind provided him with all sorts of statistics to underline that fact, but it at least helped to numb the pain for now.

And maybe the alcohol would help him sleep tonight.

"_I'm not sleeping with Reid."_

There had been so much force in those words that Reid had had a hard time holding back the tears.

How he had managed to continue functioning throughout the case... Reid still didn't know but somehow he had.

_/Why did I have to tell Derek how I feel? Everything would be okay if I hadn't told him./_ the young genius mused, ordering his fourth beer right now.

But Reid had thought that Morgan would let him down gently if he told him and he would finally be able to breath a little more freely around the other profiler when the feelings were out in the open.

There had even been the small hope that Derek might return Spencer's feelings.

He called him "pretty boy" after all.

That had to count for something, right?

But obviously it didn't.

Morgan had only stared at him when Reid had finally gathered enough courage and told him on their usual movie night right before that case in Franklin.

Derek hadn't said a word, he had just gotten up from Spencer's couch and left the apartment.

At first Reid had thought that Derek needed some time to clear his mind and to digest what Spencer had just told him and then they could talk about this again.

And they could at least continue to be friends and teammates.

But Derek had never said a word, he had barely talked to Spencer at all, unless they had to.

And then he had said those words and the team had actually grinned at them, none of them hearing Reid's heart shatter into a thousand pieces.

.

"_I'm not sleeping with Reid."_

The young genius had immediately realized that this was Morgan's way of telling Spencer, that he didn't return Reid's feelings and it was his way to tell him to stay away from him.

Spencer's hand tightened around the glass that was half empty again and he could finally feel the effect of the alcohol, because the room was spinning slightly hand he felt tired and dizzy.

Maybe it was time to go home.

Sure, they had a few days off, but the last thing Spencer needed, was to have to call Hotch, or, god forbid, Morgan, because he needed a ride home and was too drunk to call himself a cab.

But merely thinking of Morgan made Reid's heart ache and the young genius, against better judgment, decided that he hadn't had enough yet and ordered another drink, this time something much stronger than a simple beer, because evidently his body might look drunk, but his mind sure as hell wasn't drunk enough yet.

Brian, the barkeeper, a nice man in his mid-forties, kept shooting him worried glances, but Spencer pointedly ignored them.

He wanted to get drunk for the first time in his young life to forget about the rejection and the probably destroyed friendship.

The barkeeper put his new drink in front of him and asked: "Don't you think you've had enough, kid?"

Reid glared at the man and slurred: "'m not a kid... and wanna get drunk."

He bent forward to reach the drink and nearly fell off the barstool, hadn't a hand from his left steadied him.

.

"Easy, kid, I know you want to get drunk to drown your sorrows, but I'm pretty sure you're plenty drunk, so I think I'm going to call you a cab to take you home," Brian insisted after shooting the man, who still had his hand on Reid's shoulder, a thankful glance.

He took the drink he had been about to serve Reid back.

Normally he wouldn't care if the people in the bar drank themselves into oblivion, but somehow that kid was different and Brian had kept an eye on him ever since he had walked into that bar, looking so dejected and like he carried the world on his shoulders.

And now he decided that the best thing for the young man would be to go home into his bed and sleep and not have another drink.

The young man, Spencer, as he had learned during the night, kept glaring at him, well it wasn't really a threatening glare, but more an adorable one, but the message was clear.

He wanted that drink.

But Brian had been a barkeeper long enough to not give in. He quickly called a cab, ignoring the angry looks of the young man.

Then the barkeeper turned to the man, who had been sitting beside Spencer for quite a while, nursing his own drink without talking to the young man.

It was one of the bar's regulars, so Brian knew him quite well.

"Larry, will you please put Spencer here in the cab and make sure he gets home okay?"

Larry, a man about fifty with grey hair here and there, and a friendly smile, nodded immediately.

"Of course Brian," he informed.

It wasn't the first time Brian asked Larry to take care of someone drunk.

Brian would have taken the young man home himself, but his shift only ended in two hours and he didn't think it was good for Spencer to be sitting here for another two hours.

"Thanks Larry," Brian smiled and watched as Larry started to help the young, still protesting man from the chair, steadying him and leading him out of the bar.

The barkeeper shook his head and wondered who the idiot was that had hurt this charming young man so much that he had almost drank himself in a coma.

He was glad that Larry was taking care of the kid and would make sure that he got home okay and Brian really hoped that Spencer would be able to get over whoever had broken his heart so badly.

He didn't anticipate that he would see Spencer again so soon and he surely would never have guessed why Spencer would walk into his bar, this time followed by his team, including the man who had broken his heart.

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><p>.<p>

"God, I needed those days off."

Derek Morgan stretched in his chair in the conference room of the BAU.

The whole team, minus Reid, were already gathered in the conference room and waited for the briefing on the new case.

Penelope Garcia, who was sitting right beside him, nodded with a small smile on her face.

She too had needed those days off, especially after that case in Franklin.

That had really gotten to her and the days she had spent with Kevin and without cases had helped her a lot.

Emily Prentiss, who was sitting on Morgan's other side, turned her head towards Hotch and JJ.

"So, what's the new case?"

She was eager to get back to work, because her free days hadn't been too good and she needed the work to get over it.

JJ was just about to begin the briefing, when suddenly the door to the conference room opened again and the last member of their team entered.

"Hello," she said with a smile in her voice when she got a good look at Reid.

Her words caused the rest of the team to look at the young genius, who was clearly uncomfortable with that.

Hotch merely raised an eyebrow and asked, only a small hint of amusement in his voice: "Did you join a boyband?"

Morgan noticed how irritated Reid looked while he sat down in the chair.

"No, why?" the young genius questioned, pulling on the sleeves of his shirt nervously and then ran a hand through his hair and Morgan got the distinct feeling that there was a specific reason why Spencer had had his hair cut all of sudden.

JJ took pity on the young man and finally started the briefing.

"Jason Smalling, 25, found in a park not far from here, raped and then killed. He's the third victim of a serial rapist in the last six weeks, even though he's the first one the man killed."

.

Derek tried to concentrate on the briefing, but he couldn't really do it, because his eyes always traveled to Spencer.

Morgan had tried his best to ignore the young genius after that disastrous night when Reid had told Derek that he liked him as more than a friend.

Derek honestly hadn't expected those words coming from the young genius and his first instinct had been to run and that was exactly what he had done.

And since then he had avoided talking to Reid, needing to come to terms with everything and most important, he needed to figure out what exactly he felt for Spencer.

Morgan had even gone as far as refusing to room with the young man on their last case in Franklin just so that he could keep him on arm's length.

But now Derek couldn't really keep his eyes from Reid.

He had to admit the new haircut suited the young man, but then his eyes narrowed a little, because when Spencer moved in his chair, the young man winced slightly as if he was in pain.

Derek was about to ask Reid if he was okay, but obviously the briefing was over for now, because Hotch gathered his stuff and told the team: "Gather your things. We meet in the garage in ten minutes."

And before anyone could react, Reid was out of his chair and out of the room.

The team watched him go, all a little confused.

"Um, was that just me, or was our baby genius awfully quiet during the briefing?" Penelope questioned, looking pointedly at Morgan, who could only shrug.

Prentiss, however, nodded.

"Yeah, he didn't even tell us statistics about male rape victims," she replied, looking a little concerned.

Morgan sighed a little.

"Maybe I should go and talk to him," he suggested, because they probably all expected him to go and talk to Reid, because he always did.

But Derek didn't really know if he could handle being alone with the young man right now.

So he wasn't really unhappy, when Hotch shook his head.

"Not right now, Morgan. We need to get to the crime scene and to the bar where a witness last saw Jason Smalling alive. The barkeeper, Brian Wilson, is already waiting for us. Maybe he can tell us, who Smalling left with."

The team nodded, because they all knew they would get a chance to talk to Spencer during the case.

And they all left the briefing room to gather their things and meet in the garage where Reid was already waiting for them.

Reid was looking nervous and he even jumped a little when Rossi put a hand on his shoulder.

That alarmed the whole team, but as Hotch had said, they needed to wait until later to ask Spencer what was wrong.

Right now they had a case to solve, but every time Morgan risked a glance at Reid through the rear view mirror of the car, he couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something was seriously wrong with the young man.

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to be continued, if you're interested...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**Wow, I'm happy that you seemed to like the first chapter so much and I really hope you do like the second too, even if it turned out totally different than I wanted it to turn out... it's a little rushed and maybe I'm going to redo it later, but it needed to be written so that I could continue or I would have dropped the story... I still hope it's not too bad and you will enjoy reading it *smiles*

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Comments would of course be most appreciated *nervous smile*

And please remember that English isn't my native language *smile*

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Thank you to everybody for your kind reviews *hugs*

**Fai'swingedchronicles:**I didn't mention any titles, because I didn't really have any particular stories in mind. I don't have much time to read stories on here right now, but I browse through the summaries occasionally, so I realized that there are a lot of stories with this topic, so sorry I didn't post any links or titles to other stories *apologetic smile*

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**Disclaimer:** None of the CM characters belong to me… I just borrowed them for this little story… my OC'S do belong to me though… this story doesn't mean to offend anybody… this is just for fun… and not for money either...

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

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><p>.<p>

"Looks nice, maybe we can catch a drink here after a hard case."

Morgan looked around in the bar they had just entered, the last place Jason Smalling had been seen alive.

Rossi, who had entered shortly after the younger man, nodded.

"Yeah, I wonder why we haven't found this place earlier," he agreed and pulled off his sunglasses he had worn during the drive.

"Because we always go to our local bar and didn't feel the need to find a new place," Morgan replied and he was about to walk through the empty room towards the bar where a lone man was busy polishing glasses.

But suddenly he saw that Reid, who had been assigned to them by Hotch, stood in the doorway and looked even paler than he had done during the drive over here.

"Reid? Are you okay?" Morgan questioned, trying not to sound too concerned, because he knew how much Spencer hated to be babied.

And in addition to that, Derek still felt a little awkward to talk to Reid about feelings, no matter what kind.

Morgan also avoided calling Spencer "pretty boy", even though it had been on the tip of his tongue more than once in the last days, but it somehow felt wrong to call him that now.

.

Rossi had also stopped and frowned when he saw that Reid was still standing in the entrance to the bar, a haunted look on his face.

Morgan's words, however, seemed to have an effect on the young genius, because Spencer straightened his shoulders and his face lost that haunted look.

"I'm okay, I just needed to get used to the dim light in here," he said, but Rossi and Morgan could both easily tell that it was a lie, since, yeah, the light wasn't as bright as it was outside, but it wasn't nearly as dark as it had to be for the eyes to need time to adjust.

Both, however, decided not to comment on it for now, because they were here to question a suspect.

The barkeeper, Brian Wilson, was watching them curiously while still cleaning glasses.

Morgan, Reid and Rossi finally made their way over to the man at the bar and they flashed their badges.

"Mr. Wilson, I'm Agent Rossi, this is Agent Morgan, and Dr. Reid," Dave introduced the three of them and Wilson, who had obviously expected them, nodded slowly, before his eyes focused on Spencer.

The young genius shifted uncomfortably and he just hoped that the barkeeper wouldn't say anything.

And Brian seemed to realize Reid's uneasiness, because his eyes left the young man and focused on Rossi again.

"I'm Brian Wilson. You're here because of Jason, aren't you?"

Rossi nodded.

"Yes, we are. Did you know him well?" he asked, a little irritated that Wilson called their victim by his first name.

Brian only shrugged.

"Well, he was a regular here, so I guess I knew quite a bit about him. Drunks can be very talkative," he said and shot Spencer a meaningful look.

The young man blushed and was glad that Rossi and Morgan were focused on Wilson and not on him, because they were profilers and would immediately realize that there was a story behind their words.

.

But Rossi and Morgan were already asking further questions.

"So Jason Smalling told you a lot about his private life?" Morgan asked while Rossi took notes on his little notepad.

Brian shrugged his shoulders again.

"Well, not much, but I could probably tell you everything about his love life," he informed and Rossi and Morgan were a little relieved that Brian seemed to want to cooperate with them, because they had learned that some barkeepers didn't like to betray the things they were told.

"Then please do so, especially the recent love affairs," Rossi encouraged, hoping to get some names.

Brian tilted his head a little to his side.

"Actually, it didn't look like Jason had a steady relationship. I've seen him with six different guys during the last two weeks," he explained after thinking about it for a moment.

"So he was gay?" Rossi wanted to know, even though they had been pretty sure that Jason Smalling was, but they needed to be sure.

Wilson only nodded.

"Do you know any names of his bed partners?" Morgan questioned, this time glancing at Spencer for a second.

The young man hadn't even asked a single question and was looking really uncomfortable, his eyes darting around the empty bar, as if he didn't dare to look at the barkeeper for too long.

.

But then he refocused his attention on Brian.

The man was looking deep in thought, probably raking his brain if he knew any of Jason Smalling's latest conquests.

"Well, only one is a regular here, the others were only here once or twice, so I don't really have any names, sorry," Brian apologized.

Dave gave him an assuring smile.

"That's okay, maybe you could come to the police station and at least describe the men to a sketch artist," he suggested.

Wilson nodded again.

"Of course I can, but only tomorrow morning, because my shift starts soon. Do you want the name of the regular here at the bar, even though I don't think that he has anything to do with Jason's murder," he explained, because he knew about what had happened from the police that had been here earlier and had told him to expect some FBI agents coming to talk to him.

"We'll decide if he is a suspect or not," Morgan told him a little irritated.

Brian nodded.

"Of course you do. His name is Steven Mason," he informed, folding his arms in front of his chest, refusing to be intimidated by Derek's behavior.

Rossi wrote the name down and then he looked at Wilson again.

"Do those names mean anything to you," he questioned and handed him a folder with the pictures of the other victims and their names, hoping that the barkeeper would recognize any of them, because maybe that would help make the connection.

But Brian shook his head.

"If they have been here, then I didn't notice them or they were here on my days off. I can ask my colleagues if they do recognize any of these men," he said and handed the pictures back to Rossi.

"We will do that when we come back tonight," Morgan told him.

Brian raised an eyebrow.

"You want to come back tonight?" he asked, because that certainly wouldn't be too good for his business when three FBI agents would come snooping around in the bar.

Rossi seemed to sense the other man's thoughts and he assured: "Don't worry, we'll be discreet in asking around."

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"So, is that all for now? Because I need to get ready, we're opening in an hour," Brian wanted to know, his eyes traveling to Spencer once again.

Reid stood beside Rossi and still hadn't said a word and tried to look as if he didn't want to be here.

Morgan and Rossi either didn't seem to notice or decided not to say something in front of the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that's all for now," Morgan informed and then handed the other man a card.

"If you remember anything else, call us."

Even though it was a request it sounded more like an order, because Derek was suddenly in a bad mood and he didn't even have a real idea why.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Reid was not even making an effort in solving this case.

Instead the young man looked pale and shifted nervously from foot to foot and Derek really wanted to know now why Reid seemed to be so uncomfortable.

"I will," Brian nodded and then he started polishing glasses again.

Rossi frowned at the blatant dismissal, but then again, they wouldn't get much more information out of the barkeeper for now.

And they'd come back later anyway, so the three agents left the bar.

.

As soon as they were outside, Rossi turned to Reid, his face showing concern.

"Reid, do you really feel okay?" he asked, wondering what was wrong with the normally talkative genius, because he had of course noticed that Spencer hadn't made an effort to ask questions of his own.

Reid glared at the older man and then at Derek too just for good measure.

"Would you please stop asking me that?" he snapped, suddenly angry and not looking timid in the least.

Morgan and Rossi looked at each other, both now sure that something was really wrong with their younger teammate, but before they could ask something, Brian Wilson suddenly came out of the bar.

"Agent Reid, wasn't it?" he questioned, giving Spencer a pointed look.

Reid nodded immediately.

"Yeah," he replied cautiously, not sure what the barkeeper might want from him.

"You dropped that in the bar," Brian said and held out the purple scarf to Reid and the young genius took it with shaking hands, because he knew that he hadn't dropped it today.

He hadn't found the scarf this morning and quickly realized that he must have lost it when he had been in the bar two days ago.

Reid just hoped that Morgan and Rossi hadn't noticed that he hadn't been wearing the scarf today.

"Thank you, Mr. Wilson," he said politely, relieved that Brian didn't tell on him and tell Morgan and Rossi that Spencer had been at that bar too just a day before Jason Smalling was killed.

"No problem, Agent, see you tonight."

And with that Brian was gone again.

Reid slung the purple scarf around his neck, ignoring the weird looks he got from Morgan and Rossi.

Without another word he climbed into the car and refused to say anything, even after Rossi shot him a look that told as much as "if you need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen".

So the ride back to the police station was made in silence and Reid pointedly ignored the worried glances he got from Morgan and Rossi and would most likely get from Hotch and the rest of the team as soon as Rossi had told them about his behavior.

.

The young genius was glad when he was alone with some files and a map, working on a geographic profile, wondering if it would do their case any good.

But it also couldn't hurt in any way and he had an excuse not to be with the others.

His relief, however, was short-lived when the door to the small room opened and Derek entered.

He had obviously been sent by the others, because Spencer had of course noticed that Morgan had kept his distance from him ever since Reid had told him about his feelings.

And he could also see JJ and Emily peering through the glass door into the room while trying to look as inconspicuous as possible.

"Reid?" Morgan questioned tentatively, obviously not sure how to best handle this situation.

"What?" Spencer questioned, not even trying to hide the annoyance in his voice.

But that obviously irritated Morgan, because the man crossed his arms in front of his chest and his voice was stern when he said: "Maybe you should tell me what the hell is going on with you, kid. You've been acting strange this whole day."

Reid looked up and glared at the other man.

"It's none of your business," he replied, standing up, so that he didn't have to look up at Morgan but was face to face with the other men.

Derek sighed a little.

"I know I haven't been the best friend lately, but you should know why I kept my distance," Morgan started, his worry growing when he finally looked closer at Spencer.

The young man was pale and had dark bags under his eyes and he still didn't seem to be able to sit comfortable and that made Derek believe that the young man was hurt in some way.

And as much as he was still insecure about his feelings towards the young genius and how to best act around him, Spencer was still his friend and Morgan cared about him.

"Pretty Boy," he started and wanted to say more, but he suddenly couldn't, because something he never expected to happen, suddenly did happen.

The left side of his face exploded with pain when Reid punched him... hard...

"Don't ever call me that again..."

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to be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Hey everybody, yes, it really is a new chapter... I know it's nearly been a year since I updated this and I really hope you're still interested in it. I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to update this and that the chapter is a bit on the short side and I really hope you can forgive me and are indeed still interested... *smiles shyly*

If yes, comments would of course be most appreciated *puppy dog eyes*

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Thank you of course to **Stendan4ever, RogueStorm84, sally94, lastbloom, Jae Ar, ****Hatsuharu Miku , fumina, KaL KeY, darkangel-silvermoon, laneydaze96, catz22, natheriver, Evie McFarland, LynnAshe, scifigeek22, Velandrae, fireball1012, Talia, Toris Lietvu Laurinatis, dr3, SerenadeInTheMoonlight, lucy, Catnatural, cristina reid, Alpecca Ankaa Black, sweetteetwo, **** angelbun86, Carlyxoxo, MyownlilfantaC, MistressELEMENT, MyGuiltiestPleasure **(I'll try my best to complete all the stories I still have up), **Dr. Monster, Artifical Dreams, Pamikae, Becca, Kiba515, Lenika08, Evci, Elura The Strange, Rain and Storm and marcallie** for all your wonderful reviews *hugs you all* They mean the world to me *smiles* and I really hope I didn't forget anyone *smiles*

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**Warnings: **slight non-con (but definitely not in detail, merely mentioned)

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**Disclaimer:** None of the CM characters belong to me… I just borrowed them for this little story… my OC'S do belong to me though… this story doesn't mean to offend anybody… this is just for fun… and not for money either...

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

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><p>.<p>

The smack echoed through the room and many people actually gasped after what they had just witnessed. Morgan held his cheek and stared at Reid in complete shock. It wasn't that the punch in itself had hurt too much, okay, Morgan's cheek stung a little and he was pretty sure that it would leave a bruise, but still, that wasn't what shocked him too much.

No, he was more shocked by the fact that Reid had actually lashed out at him so violently and without a good reason to do so too. Derek had always called Spencer "Pretty Boy", because Spencer was just that... pretty... no matter if Reid wanted to admit it or not and so the nickname had just come naturally. And why did Reid react so violently because of the use of the nickname all of sudden?

_/Maybe he doesn't want to be called that by me anymore after our last disastrous movie night./_ the tiny voice in Morgan's head, that the other man had determinedly ignored for the last days, helpfully or not helpfully, depending on the point of view, supplied. Derek shook his head and focused on Spencer again.

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The young man was breathing heavily, his hand still in midair. He was pale and his eyes were impossibly wide. He looked like a scared fawn to Morgan and if it had been a different situation, then Morgan would have found the look adorable and endearing. But with the situation as it was, he was more angry and he was also concerned, because of how pale Spencer looked. Adding to that what Reid had just done, it became painfully obvious that something was very wrong with their resident genius.

"Reid," Morgan finally started and his voice seemed to bring Spencer out of his shock.

The young man dropped his arm only to wrap both of his arms around himself as if to shield him from something.

"God Morgan, I'm so sorry," the young man whispered, lowering his eyes. And then, before Morgan or anyone else of the team could react, he dashed out of the room and out of the station.

"I'll go after him and see if I can get him to talk," JJ whispered and then she quickly followed the young genius and nobody stopped her, because they all knew that she was the most likely person to get Reid to talk.

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Once she was gone, the rest of them team turned towards Morgan.

"Are you okay?" Hotch questioned, just to make sure that Derek didn't need any medical attention. He was still pressing his hand to his cheek after all.

"Well, a little ice for the bruise would be nice, but otherwise I'm perfectly fine. But I gotta admit, the kid has a mean right hook," Derek said, a small attempt at a joke. Hotch only frowned while Emily quickly went to find some ice for Morgan.

"I'll need to put this into his file. I can't have one of my agents running around punching colleagues," he murmured, clearly not happy about it. And to his surprise, Morgan wasn't happy either and he quickly shook his head. The last thing he needed was for Reid to get into trouble because of him. Sure, he was mad at the younger man, but he had the distinct feeling that it was something personal and somehow his words had provoked the younger man. So Derek really didn't want Spencer to get into trouble with Strauss.

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"Don't do that, Hotch. Even if you probably don't understand, but I fear it will only make things worse between us," he nearly pleaded and sighed, before sitting down on a chair and gratefully took the icepack that Emily gave him. Hotch meanwhile raised an eyebrow and started pacing the room for a moment. Then he stopped again and looked at Derek.

"Okay if you don't want to make a big deal out of it, I'll hold the formal reprimand, but only if you talk to Reid and work out your issues and this never happens again. If not, then I have to report him," he explained and Morgan gave a sigh of relief. He nodded.

"Thanks Hotch and I promise I'll talk to Reid as soon as I get the chance and I promise I'll get to the bottom of things," he promised and he made a mental note to confront Spencer as soon as they were back in their hotel. And this time he wouldn't allow the younger man to lie to him.

"Good," Hotch nodded and Emily, who had been silent the whole time, looked back and forth between the two men for a second, relieved that Morgan seemed to be okay, well Reid's punch would leave a nasty bruise but nothing serious. But she was also worried about Spencer. The last time she had seen the young man act like this, was when he was still taking drugs. And she vowed to keep an eye on Reid to find out if maybe he was showing signs of drug abuse again. Only when she had confirmation to her suspicions she'd talk to Hotch and Rossi about it, because the last thing Emily wanted was to get Reid in any more trouble than he was in already if it wasn't necessary.

So she decided to change the subject, they had to solve a case after all.

"Maybe we should get back to work," she suggested and Morgan looked thankful for the change of topic.

.

Hotch and Rossi nodded too and so the four profilers went back back to work and things seemed to get back to normal since all of them tried to ignore the fact that JJ and Reid were absent. They hadn't worked more than half an hour when suddenly Hotch's phone rang and with a raised eyebrow the man picked it up.

"JJ?" he asked, his voice betraying no emotion, but as soon as he had greeted JJ, Morgan looked up from the file he had been reading to try and listen what JJ had to say and why they weren't back yet. But he didn't have much look and, judging from the look on her face, neither had Emily, who had shifted a little closer to the Unit Chief, her file half closed too.

But the phone call didn't last long anyway and Hotch hung up seconds later after telling JJ: "Stay calm and make sure you stay with him, we're on our way."

Then he turned to Rossi, Emily and Morgan, who all looked at Hotch with wide eyes, worried what JJ had said to Hotch. Aaron sighed a little and ran a hand through his hair.

"Grab the files, so that you can review them on the way to the hospital," he stated, already shoving some of the files in his bag.

"Hospital?" Prentiss asked, following his example almost automatically, while Morgan just stared at Hotch, not sure if he'd like what Hotch was going to say next.

And he was right, because Aaron's next words were like a blow to the gut: "Reid collapsed and is on his way to the hospital..."

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><p>.<p>

As soon as JJ stepped outside the police station, her eyes darted to the left and the right to see where Reid had gone. Luckily she spotted him just rounding the corner of the street and she quickly ran to follow him, calling his name.

"Spence, wait!"

For a moment it looked like Reid didn't want to wait for her, because the young genius just continued to run and it was hard for JJ to keep up with the younger man.

"Spence, please wait and let's talk. I'm worried about you," she tried again, her voice slightly breathless, because she was running so fast, but her words seemed to have the desired effect, because Spencer slowed down and finally stopped, putting one hand against the wall to steady himself. He was breathing heavily and his cheeks were flushed. If they hadn't been running so fast and JJ wasn't sure that this was why, she'd think that Reid was running a fever.

.

She stopped in front of Reid and refrained from putting a hand on the young genius' shoulder, because she feared he might bolt again if she tried to touch him. Instead JJ looked at her friend and teammate with concerned eyes.

"What's going on with you, Spence?" she asked, trying to show Reid that he could talk to her and that she'd gladly listen. Spencer looked at her, his eyes wide and somewhat unfocussed, as if he was trying to hold back tears. Then he hung his head and murmured: "I'm really sorry that I snapped like that, JJ. I'll go back and apologize to Morgan. And I promise it won't happen again."

JJ tilted her head and the strong urge to pull Spencer into a hug came over her, but again, she didn't dare to.

"Spence, that's not what I meant. Well, of course you need to apologize to Morgan, but that's not the reason I came after you," she said, taking a step closer to Reid, but she made sure that she was still out of his personal space.

.

Her voice was soft, much like when she was talking to Henry when her son was upset and crying: "Spence, I'm worried about you. Ever since you came back after our days off, you've been different. So whatever it is, please tell me and I'll try to help you. And I'm pretty sure the rest of the team too when you tell them, even Morgan, no matter that you two haven't been the best of friends lately, but I bet he's as worried about you as I am... as we all are," she said and reached out to gently touch his cheek. But the reaction to her touch was unexpected, because suddenly Reid started shaking, jerking away from her touch, his eyes wide, but still unfocussed, just like he was lost in a distant memory.

And before JJ could react in any way, Reid's knees buckled and he hit the ground hard.

"Spence!" she yelled, falling to her knees beside him, touching his face again, noticing with worry that Reid really seemed to run a fever and not just a light one.

"Reid?" she questioned, trying to get Spencer to wake again by gently tapping his cheek, but Reid didn't even stir, he just whimpered softly.

JJ made a decision while trying not to panic, she quickly dialled for an ambulance while checking Spencer's pulse, which was disturbingly weak. And while she waited for the ambulance to come, she gently laid her hand on Reid's cheek and whispered, tears in her eyes: "Please be okay, Spence... and please tell us what has happened to you..."

.

to be continued, if you're still interested...


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Hey everybody, here comes a new chapter and I really, really hope that you like it *is pretty insecure*

And since two reviewers pointed out that it has been a long time between updates, I think I should say something about it: Well, I can't promise that I will update regularly, because my real life is everything but easy, but I can promise you that I will finish the story *smiles*

Comments for this chapter would be most appreciated *puppy dog eyes*

And please keep in mind that English is not my native language and that I'm not a doctor, so please forgive any mistakes in that area *smiles sheepishly*

.

Of course thank you to **RogueStorm84, Stendan4ever, dr3, Kiba515, Whiteiris, Velandrae, Elura The Strange, garnettac, Serenityhimesheppard, fireball1012, tannerose5, Guest I, Guest II** , **SurvivorCat, Guest III, omgnotagain, Lover of Emotions, anonymous, reelingthoughts**,** didile, Lil-half-rainbow, ****KayRaineMariahAkari, Iserith, Dr. Monster, fro-chan, masterstalker, sweetteetwo, RachelNicole523, LaRieNGuBleR, Nic, ****HeartKnight31320, silverwrym, animelvr16, sixty6sixyahoo, Pamikae, Guest IV and Silverspeare **for all your kind words *hugs you all* They always mean the world to me *smiles*

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**Warnings: **slight non-con (but definitely not in detail, merely mentioned)

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**Disclaimer:** None of the CM characters belong to me… I just borrowed them for this little story… my OC'S do belong to me though… this story doesn't mean to offend anybody… this is just for fun… and not for money either...

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

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><p>.<p>

Reid slowly opened his eyes and the first thing that registered in his brain was the pain and the nauseous feeling, shortly followed by the revelation of "something's not right".

"Spence," a concerned voice sounded and Reid slowly turned his head to his left, careful not to turn too quickly, so he wouldn't get sick. He found JJ sitting by the side of the bed, a bed Spencer didn't remember getting into. And JJ looked pale and from her red eyes it was obvious that she had been crying.

"What happened?" Reid asked, swallowing nervously when he heard how raspy his voice sounded. JJ leaned a little closer to the bed and tried to smile at him, but it was only a small twitch of her lips, and so the smile was wary and sad.

"We're at the hospital, because you collapsed," she explained softly and Reid's eyes widened for a second and he immediately tried to sit up, panic in his eyes. He knew he couldn't stay here, because that would only cause problems and questions would be asked. But Spencer fell back against the pillow again when a wave of nausea washed over him and it took all of his willpower not to throw up.

.

"Why did you take me to the hospital?" he questioned, wondering if she already knew about what had really happened and why he had collapsed, but then again, probably not, because she would have already asked him about it if she did.

And JJ right now just stared at him as if he had gone crazy.

"Because you collapsed and you're running a high fever and I was worried," she stated, her voice harsher than she had probably intended. This time it was Reid, who just stared at her. He hadn't realized that he had also had a fever. Sure, he had realized that he wasn't feeling well and that the most sensible action would have been to go and see a doctor, but he hadn't realized that it was that bad and he had hoped that he'd be able to cope with it on his own and just wait it out.

And for the first time since he had woken up, he became aware of all the IV's he was hooked up to.

"Does the rest of the team know?" he questioned timidly, shortly followed by "When can I go home?"

Now JJ looked incredulous.

"The doctor hasn't said when you can go home, but not until your fever breaks I'd think," she explained to him, before she added: "Of course the team does know you're here. And they'll be here any minute now. JJ's worry grew when she saw Spencer pale even more, not that she had thought that that was possible.

"Have they... have they told you about what's wrong with me?" Reid then asked, not sure if he wanted an answer to that question and relief flooded him when JJ shook her head.

"They've been running tests until a few minutes ago. So I don't know anything."

.

JJ was about to say more when the door to the hospital room opened and a nurse entered, probably called by JJ when Spencer had shown signs of waking. She was followed by the rest of the team, who all crowded into the small room. Reid looked at all of them and he desperately wished that he'd be able to just disappear between the sheets.

The nurse smiled gently at him and busied herself with checking Reid's vitals.

"It's good to see you're awake. A doctor will be with you shortly," she informed and then hesitated for a second, before adding with a meaningful undertone: "About your injuries."

Reid just flinched. He was a profiler and so he knew what that look meant, had seen it countless times before, usually from the other side. He swallowed thickly and avoided looking at anybody, because he was afraid they would be able to read the truth on his face.

"I'll be back with the doctor in a few moments," the nurse then said and patted his leg. Then she turned towards the team.

"Don't stress him too much. Mr. Reid needs his rest," she demanded.

"Dr. Reid," the whole team corrected almost automatically, well except Reid himself, but then again, he seldom did. The young genius was more concerned with the question what kind of test the doctor had actually run. A doctor was trained to look for bruises and they'd probably know what the bruises marring his hips, abdomen and legs mean. So they would have drawn some conclusions if they had seen said bruises. But since he was in a hospital gown it was more than likely that they had. And for now Reid was just glad that they had obviously not told JJ anything about what they had found.

.

"How do you feel, Reid?"

Hotch's voice brought Reid out of his musings and he looked at his boss with wary eyes. The young genius knew that Hotch wanted a honest answer and would look for any signs of a lie, so he decided to settle for the truth. Or at least the part of the truth that wouldn't reveal more than necessary.

"Tired and a bit sore," he informed, shifting a little in the hospital bed, careful to keep the blankets tight around his bare legs.

"Why didn't you tell us that you were sick?" Hotch then questioned and Reid just shrugged.

"I didn't feel bad so I saw no reason to tell you anything," he replied, shrugging his shoulders a little again and Hotch merely raised an eyebrow.

"At least you're not looking for an excuse for what you did to Morgan," the Unit Chief said, hoping to provoke a reaction from the younger man, no matter what the nurse had told them earlier. He had long realized that something was very wrong with Reid and he wanted and needed some answers. And he needed those answers as soon as possible. They had to concentrate on finding a serial rapist after all and he couldn't divide his attention between the young genius and the case, no matter how harsh that sounded.

.

And he got a reaction from Reid. The young man again paled after he had just regained a little color in his cheeks and shrunk back against the sheets, still not looking at anybody. Before he could answer Hotch the door to the room opened again and the nurse returned with a middle aged man with dark hair, going gray in some places and a friendly smile. But that easy smile was immediately replaced with a frown when he saw that his patient was obviously nervous and uncomfortable. He looked around the room and gave a "Good day" to nobody in particular and then he walked to the bed Reid was lying in and gave the young man a reassuring smile.

"I'm glad to see that you're finally awake, Dr. Reid. We were getting a little worried," he started, before he introduced himself.

"I'm Dr. Lester and I have examined you," he said and earned himself a small acknowledging nod from the patient. Lester smiled again and then turned back to the other people in the room, who had kept in the background when the doctor had entered.

.

"I need to ask you to leave while I examine and discuss some things with my patient," he stated, his voice firm.

"But," Morgan and JJ immediately protested.

"No buts," Lester shot back, ready to argue with the team, because he only wanted what was best for his patient.

"I'm his medical emergency contact. Doesn't that give me the right to stay and hear what you have to say?" Morgan asked, taking a step forward, trying to intimidate the doctor, who was about a head smaller than Morgan.

"And I'm his boss, I have a right to know too," Hotch added, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Dr. Lester just narrowed his eyes and then he looked at Reid, trying to found out if he was okay with the two men staying while he said what he had to say. But the young man looked everything but comfortable, so the doctor shook his head. Normally he would have let the two men stay, because they had a point, but since Reid was awake and coherent and their presence seemed to make Spencer uncomfortable, he held his ground.

"I don't see any reason why you need to stay, Agents. Dr. Reid is fully awake and lucid and will be able to perfectly understand what I tell him. So you don't need to stay unless it is requested by my patient," he stated, his voice still firm and he had his arms crossed in front of his chest by now too.

.

"Reid?"

Hotch looked at the youngest member of his team, who still avoided his eyes, only fueling his worry and concern.

"I want to talk to Dr. Lester alone," he told them, before finally looking up.

"And you have a case to solve, so don't worry about me right now," he tried to justify his actions and it was partly true. He wanted the team to focus on the case to save innocent people, but then he also didn't want them present to hear what Dr. Lester had to most likely say to him.

"Spencer, please, we always worry about you," JJ hastened to say, wondering why Reid looked so doubtful at that statement, specifically looking at Morgan for a moment, before he lowered his eyes again, deciding not to comment on it.

Rossi, as he was most of the time, was the voice of reason and straightened his shoulders.

"Maybe we should leave and let Dr. Lester do his job and once that is done, then we can talk. And while the doc does his job, we can do ours and work on the profile," he suggested and even though the rest of the team was reluctant to leave they all saw the sense behind those words. So they left the hospital room to camp out in the waiting room.

.

Reid sighed in relief when the door had closed behind them. Dr. Lester noticed of course and drew some conclusions of his own, his face softening, now that the team wasn't in the room anymore.

"Dr. Reid, I saw your file and have gotten a lot of information from Agent Jareau and so I know that you've been working with the BAU long enough to know what I'm going to say next, so I'm sure you'll appreciate it as much as I will that we're honest with each other," the doctor said, looking at the young man on the bed with an open and honest expression on his face so that Reid would trust him and open up a little.

The young profiler sighed and shrunk back against the pillows, but at least he nodded slowly. Dr. Lester counted that as a good sign and he looked at the file he held in his hand.

"First things first, Dr. Reid. You seem to have sustained a cracked rib a few days ago and that has become infected, so that explains your fever and then your body couldn't cope with the stress, emotional and physical. That's why you collapsed," he explained. Reid simply nodded. He had expected something like that.

.

Dr. Lester sighed and took another look at his chart.

"We both know where all those bruises and injuries come from, Dr. Reid, so there is no need to sugarcoat this."

"Honestly, I was hoping that you wouldn't realize it," Spencer murmured and Lester's eyes widened a little.

"Dr. Reid, have you told anyone that you were..."

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because Reid interrupted him harshly: Don't... don't say that word..."

"... because if I say it, then it makes it real, am I right?" Lester asked, his voice gentle, much like the voice he, Emily and JJ and even Hotch, Morgan and Rossi used when they talked to victims. Reid stared at the doctor, eyes wide, his whole body language screamed panic and denial.

"Dr. Reid, you, of all people, should know that denying that it happened won't make it go away, And what if the person who did it, does it again?"

That got a reaction from Reid again and the young man stiffened, ignoring the pain from his rib and he lowered his eyes, but he didn't say a word.

.

And suddenly the young man burst into tears, making even Dr. Lester watch on helplessly. He knew that the young man in the hospital bed had finally admitted to himself what had really happened and was reacting accordingly. He let the young man cry for a moment and waited until the profiler had got his emotions back in check, before he posed a question that had been nagging on him ever since he had observed Reid interacting with his team.

"Dr. Reid, did... did any of your team do it?"

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to be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Wow, I honestly hadn't realized that it has been a year since I updated this. I'm really sorry that it has taken me so long. And I'm sorry if it's a short chapter. I also think it's not the best chapter I've ever written and it doesn't have too much action in it, but it needed to be written to move the story forward *sheepish smile*

I really hope that you will enjoy it and that you are still interested in the story. A comment would of course be most appreciated *smiles shyly*

.

Thank you to **Lenika08, Kiba515, fireball1012, DisastrousMethods, Quiet Ryter, Stendan 4ever, tannerose5, marcallie, RogueStorm84, Gazzy8, ****MyownlilfantaC, Criminds, slashyfangirl, SurvivorCat, pipinheart, sweetteatwo, Dr. Monster, ****Heureux Eeyore, MyGuiltiestPleasure, DestinyReid, Someone In Your Fridge, Kitsune1818, Deathagramyuri, ifreakinlovefanfiction, guest, LithiumFlower13, Aelan013, ObsessiveCompulsiveWriter, Guest2, Lauren, Guest3, MikeyL0Ver, ILoveAnime89, Statiic97, PrinzessTinkerbell29, mixxi, schpc, alj0569, Time-LadyMarader, angel bun, IntoTheWilds and Lisa **for all your kind words *hugs you all* I'm still a little overwhelmed and very happy that so many of you took the time to comment on my little story *smiles*

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**Warnings:** non-con (mentions of rape, but not in detail)

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**Disclaimer: **None of the Criminal Minds characters belong to me. I just borrowed them for this little story. This story isn't meant to offend anybody in any way... this is not for money either...

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><p><strong>Kapitel 5<strong>

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><p>.<p>

"Dr. Reid, did... did any of your team do it?"

The words hung in the air and the silence was almost physical and it felt a little oppressive for Spencer, who stared at the doctor as if he'd grown a second head.

"What? How exactly did you come to that conclusion?" he wanted to know, clutching the thin bedsheets tightly. The doctor flinched at the harsh tone of voice, but he wasn't ready to let go of his suspicions just yet.

"Dr. Reid, you're not the first patient I treat, who has suffered through this kind of trauma. And the way you've reacted to them, most of all to Agent Morgan, is typical behavior of someone who has come face to face with their attacker, but doesn't dare to tell on him or her for various reasons," the man explained patiently, a little confused that Reid hadn't understood his reason for the question. He was a profiler after all. But then again, the young man had been through an intensive trauma only days ago, so he probably wasn't thinking straight most of the time. So Dr. Lester needed to make sure that Reid wasn't lying to him about who had attacked him. He waited patiently for his patient to answer.

.

Reid's hands tightened their grip on the sheet and then he slowly shook his head, mindful of the fact that he still felt a little nauseous. He also seemed to have thought back over his behavior when his team had arrived and his anger seemed to have dissipated a little.

"I have to admit, that, thinking back on things, I see where you're coming from, Doc," Spencer started, because, yes, he could really see that, but then he continued: "But I assure you that my bad reaction towards Agent Morgan comes from an entirely different problem."

Dr. Lester raised his eyebrows, but he didn't question Reid's explanation for now, just glad that the younger man seemed ready to talk a little about what had happened.

Reid chuckled darkly and his hands finally let go of the bedsheets, looked directly at Dr. Lester to make sure that the other believed him and then he informed the other man: "Agent Morgan and I... well, we had a fallout a few days before... well... before this happened. And without that fight I probably wouldn't have gotten too drunk that night I was attacked."

Dr. Lester made a mental note that Spencer still avoided the word "rape" and he would make sure that the young man would see a therapist about that and not only for the mandatory sessions he'd undoubtedly been sent to by the FBI.

"So yeah, I partly blame Agent Morgan for what has happened, but he didn't hurt me like that..." The words came in a rush, which told Lester that this was a realization Reid had only come to while telling Lester about it. He seemed to blame Morgan for something, but the doctor also believed the younger man that the agent wasn't the one who had raped him.

.

Lester had to admit that he hadn't really thought that one of Agent Reid's team would be capable of something, but as Spencer's doctor he had to be sure. But he was glad that he was wrong. Still, that left the question, who had hurt Dr. Reid like that. So Lester decided on a wild stab in the dark to get the younger man to talk about it.

"But you still know who has attacked you, don't you?"

The way Spencer stiffened and tried to vanish into the bed told Lester that he had been right in his earlier assessment that Reid did indeed know who had done this to him. And Reid lowered his eyes, avoiding to face Lester's reaction while he explained.

"Yeah, I do know."

A short pause followed, probably Reid trying to sort out how to continue and Lester simply waited patiently, used to these conversations more than he liked by now.

"Well, at least I know what he looks like, but I don't know his name ore anything personal about him," he finally explained, his eyes following the movements of his hands, which clenched and unclenched around the part of the sheet in his hand. And when he finally looked up, tears were glistening in his eyes and he looked ashamed. Dr. Lester swallowed harshly at the raw pain on the expressive face and he was about to tell Reid that he had nothing to be ashamed of, that the attack wasn't his fault, that he was the victim here.

.

But Reid was faster again.

"And if I hadn't been such a coward then maybe Jason Smalling wouldn't be dead."

Again there was a dead silence in the room and Dr. Lester took a deep breath. He suddenly made a connection he might have made earlier if he hadn't been preoccupied with Reid's health. And it was a connection he didn't particularly like.

"Wait, what you're trying to say is, that you've been the victim of that serial rapist?" he wanted to know, disbelief coloring his voice. Spencer nodded slowly.

"The MO matches... well... except the fact that I'm still alive."

The doctor stared at the young man and Reid shrunk further back into the bed, trying to appear smaller under the almost accusing eye of the doctor, no matter if Lester intended to accuse him or not. Reid knew that he had made a mistake. He was a seasoned profiler now and he should have immediately reported what had happened to him that fateful night. But it had taken Reid a day to even really move out of his shower again, his skin tender and red, but it had helped to at least erase that smell, that smell of leather and wood that had followed him.

And to be fair, he hadn't known that there had been other victims until he had seen the case file. Given recent information, Reid was also lucky to have even escaped with his his life. And Spencer really hadn't wanted his team to find out. If they found out, then they would look at him with pity and try to make him talk about it, they would try to help him. But Reid didn't want their help. All he wanted was to forget that it ever happened. That was why he hadn't told anyone. Yes, as a profiler he knew that this was the absolutely wrong thing to do, but for one of the few times in his life he hadn't been able to think rational, he hadn't been able to be a profiler. No, he had been back to that scared child he was when he was 12 and had been tied to that goalpost.

.

But now, now he could no longer keep it a secret. This man had been out there, hurting and killing other men and Reid made a silent vow to catch the man. Maybe that would help to lay his own demons to rest. Spencer was sure that it was the same man. It would also explain why he had always murmured into Reid's ear how special he was and that he was the best he had had so far. Reid shivered at the memory and he gripped the bedsheets tightly again to ground himself and not sink totally into his memories...

But suddenly another question popped up in Spencer's mind.

Why was Spencer alive and Jason Smalling was not? His attacker hadn't been interrupted and he hadn't even attempted to kill him, or at least Reid didn't think he had tried to kill him. No, he had even helped him redress, kissing him on the forehead and then he had simply left him alone. Reid swallowed harshly, quickly pushing the memories to the back of his mind again for now. The nightmares could wait until tonight. He was finally thinking like a profiler again, at least for now and for the first time in days and it helped ground him.

.

He finally managed to look at Dr. Lester, eyes wide, but face grim and determined.

"I think I need to talk to Agent Hotchner now, but only him," he told the doctor, hating how weak his voice sounded. Lester's face softened, because he had realized that his harsh tone had frightened the young man earlier and that really hadn't been his intention. But at least it had seemed to get a reaction out Reid and it looked like he was ready to finally talk to someone. So he gave an approving nod.

"I'll go and get him," Lester said immediately, leaving the room to get Reid's team leader.

Spencer watched him go and he took a deep breath to compose himself. He knew that the doctor and Hotch would be back in no time and he needed to be calm then or he wouldn't be able to go through with things. His brain was working overtime, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. He rubbed his temple and winced a little when pain from his injuries spread through him when he moved around too much.

.

And when Hotch finally returned to the room, without Dr. Lester, and closed the door behind him, Reid flinched, but he steadily looked at his team leader and friend. Hotch's face was showing he was concerned about him. He swallowed harshly and watched as Aaron silently pulled over a chair and sat beside the bed.

"Dr. Lester said that you wanted to talk to me," Hotch finally said after he had gotten as comfortable as you could be in the hard plastic chair, one hand coming to rest on Reid's shoulder for a second. Of course he didn't miss the flinch from Reid at being touched unexpectedly, no matter how much the younger man tried to hide it. He seemed nervous to be alone with Hotch too, but Aaron decided to not comment on all the little things he had picked up from Reid's body language and from the expressions on his face. He simply waited for Reid to speak about what was on his mind, but he couldn't help but stiffen in shock, when Spencer finally did talk, voice so low that for a moment Hotch wondered if he had misheard him. But suddenly all the little things that had seemed off about Spencer made horrible sense.

"Hotch, three days ago I was attacked... and... raped..."

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to be continued...

Again, I'm really sorry that it took me so long to update this, I hope you enjoyed reading the chapter none the less *smiles shyly*


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Hey everybody *waves* Here comes a new chapter and I hope you will like it. *smiles hopefully* and at least it didn't take me a whole year to update *sheepish smile*

.

Comments would be most appreciated *hopeful look*

.

Thank you, of course, to **Lenika08, ****ObsessiveCompulsiveReader, MikeyL0Ver, Elura The Strange, finlaure, MissShawnaAlice, Shady79MM, silverwrym, criminalminds94, Quiet Ryter, Guest1, RogueStorm84, marcallie, Stiffinme, omgnotagain, Joyce S(Guest2), sweetteatwo, OhWell1960, Solo16, A Person, IntoTheWilds, Guest3, fireball1012, aspiegiraffe, , Samie TW-1D-Merlin-RotG, alina, Post U Later, allisondasher, SongsAndShadows84, 1sunfun, DisasterousMethods, BlackAndWitheRoseWolf, ILoveAnime89 and Pinkuro** for all your kind comments *hugs you all* Your kind words mean a lot to me *smiles*

.

**Warnings:** non-con (mention of rape, but nothing explicit)

.

**Disclaimer:** None of the Criminal Minds characters belong to me. I just borrowed them for this little story. This story isn't meant to offend anybody in any way... this is not for money either...

.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

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><p>.<p>

"Hotch, three days ago I was attacked... and... raped..."

The words hung in the room and Hotch had to take a deep breath, even though, if he was honest with himself for a moment, he had already suspected that he was about to hear something like that. But to really have his suspicions confirmed was an altogether different matter, because now it wasn't just speculation anymore. He watched the youngest member of his team, sadness washing through him.

Reid looked so small and fragile in the hospital bed and Hotch felt his heart go out to the young genius and he had to fight his own guilt that was gnawing at him that he hadn't realized sooner what had happened to Reid. He was a profiler after all and no matter that they had the rule not to profile each other, that was something Hotch, as team leader should have seen. Aaron tried to distance himself from the guilt by getting back into profiler mode. So he took out a small notepad to take notes if necessary.

.

"What happened?" he questioned, because he knew that words of sympathy and pity wouldn't make things better right now and he knew how much Reid hated to be pitied. So this, trying to find whoever had done this to Spencer, was the easiest thing to do, because it also stopped Hotch from punching something, because he had let that happen to one of his team. Spencer, meanwhile, took a deep breath and stared at the sheet draped over his legs, so that he didn't have to look at his both. Only then did he finally start talking.

"It was, as I said, three days ago on our day off. I needed to get my mind off of certain things, so I went to a bar and drank a little too much to get my brain to shut up for once..."

Hotch raised an eyebrow at that. The way Reid kept things vague meant, that he didn't want to give Hotch any details about why he had got himself drunk. But it had to be something pretty big, because Reid almost never drank. Aaron, however, decided to keep quiet and ask that question later, so that Reid could continue to talk and proceed to tell him what had happened.

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"I was so drunk that the barkeeper decided that I had enough and should take a taxi home," Reid continued, self-loathing, that he had lost control this much, evident in his voice and it only got worse with every part of the story he told.

"And even though I'm supposed to be a genius, I was stupid and allowed myself to trust the man that the barkeeper had asked to put me into a cab, no matter that he was a complete stranger. Details after that are a little fuzzy to be honest. The next thing I really know is, that I'm in a dark alley or somewhere comparable, I was blindfolded and it was dark anyway... and then..."

Reid almost clinically retold what had happened then, every word his rapist had said, every touch and every little gesture and Hotch felt his stomach roll, for once cursing Reid's brilliant memory, even though he knew that it probably wasn't only that. Traumatic experiences tended to make an impression on anybody. But the team leader kept quiet until he was sure that Reid wanted him to say something.

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"The worst part was, that he kept calling me "pretty boy" and that he loved my long hair... that he loved touching and playing with it," Reid explained and then he finally stopped, giving Hotch a few minutes to regain his composure. And some things also suddenly made horrible sense to Aaron.

"That's why you cut your hair and why you snapped when Morgan called you "pretty boy"."

It wasn't a question, merely a statement of a fact, but Reid still nodded in confirmation. After that the two sat in silence for a moment and Spencer nervously played with the sheets, which told Hotch that there was something else the younger man needed to tell him. So he waited patiently until Spencer was ready to continue. And Reid's voice was soft when he continued: "Hotch, the man's MO, it matches the one of our UnSub."

Even though Aaron should be surprised, he really wasn't and so he nodded slowly.

"I figured as much," he admitted, because he had wondered why Reid had all of sudden been willing to tell him about the rape, when he hadn't seemed too eager a few hours ago and he had come to the conclusion that it had something to do with their current case. He was a little startled, when Reid had something else to ad.

"Well, it matches, except the fact that I'm not dead and that he called me "the best" and his "first prize". I'm not really sure what exactly he meant by that, because my brain seems to be a little slow when it comes to what has happened."

.

Hotch made a mental note, that Reid, after the initial statement, hadn't used the word "rape" once, no matter in what context, so he probably was still trying to not associate that crime with himself. Aaron rubbed his temple, contemplating what to say next. He finally put a hand on Reid's shoulder, of course seeing the flinch of the younger man at the unexpected touch.

"It means you're a victim now and a witness and we'll put you under protection." Reid flinched again when Aaron used the word "victim", further proof to Hotch that Spencer was, at least partially, still in denial about what had happened to him. And Hotch was pretty sure, that the younger man wouldn't like what he had to say next.

"Reid, you know that I have to tell the rest of the team. They need the information you've just provided me with to complete our profile."

Reid nodded meekly.

"As long as I don't have to face them when you do," he requested, hands clenching into the sheets, a sure sign that he wasn't happy with it, but knew it was necessary. Hotch really couldn't blame the younger man for not wanting to face Morgan, JJ and the others when they finally learned the truth and he had already formed a plan, one that would also give Reid a little more time to prepare himself for their reactions when they found out.

"Don't worry, Reid. I'll take care of things. You just concentrate on getting better," he said, trying to soften his voice to show Spencer that he had Aaron's support.

"Thank you," was all Spencer said to that, before lowering his eyes again.

"Can I be alone for a while now, please? And Dr. Lester wants to talk to me about something else anyway," he questioned softly. Hotch granted his wish, squeezing Reid's shoulder once more, before leaving the room, putting his plan into action, also after collecting all the evidence Dr. Lester had put together for him.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

"We have a new victim."

Half an hour later Hotch was addressing the team minus Reid of course. They were gathered at the police station. It had taken Hotch a while to persuade them to leave the hospital and to come back to the station and in the end, after getting into a heated argument with Morgan, he had simply ordered them, of course only after making sure that there were two uniformed police officers in front of Reid's room to protect the younger man when none of the team was present.

So, now they were gathered in their makeshift office, Hotch was about to tell them what he had learned from Reid.

.

After his statement, the team had looked at him a little wide-eyed and surprised.

"When did we get a new victim?" JJ asked, because the calls for that case normally went through her, but she hadn't taken any calls at the hospital.

Hotch, however, simply ignored that question and looked at the piece of paper, where he'd written down Reid's statement.

"Our victim is 28 years old. He left the bar "Velvet" on Saturday night shortly after midnight. The barkeeper had ordered him a taxi. The victim doesn't remember much after that, only that he was left in the alley where he was attacked and raped."

Here Hotch had to stop for a moment to get Reid's face when he had told him about the attack, out of his head.

"Our UnSub helped his victim get dressed and called him "the best", "pretty boy" and "his first prize". Then the UnSub simply left the victim alone."

"But that's not our UnSub's usual MO," Morgan pointed out, a feeling of dread pooling in his stomach for some reason, especially when then asked: "So why do you think, that it's our UnSub?"

Hotch took another deep breath and then he took the picture of Reid and the set of pictures of his injuries and bruises that had been taken by the hospital out of the file.

.

He handed the ones showing the bruises to the team. They all quickly started scanning the through them, all wondering why the pale skin and the long, lean limbs looked so familiar. But when they finally looked up to the board where the victims were listed, a photograph underneath their name, Hotch was just pinning a picture underneath the yellow post-it with "victim #8" on it.

And suddenly Dr. Spencer Reid was looking at them with sad eyes.

For a moment there was absolute silence in the room, before it was as suddenly as it had fallen, was broken, when Morgan suddenly sprang up from his chair, making it clatter noisily to the ground behind him. Derek whirled around, throwing the fallen chair across the room.

"Morgan," JJ exclaimed a little startled, especially when Derek started muttering obscenities and curses under his breath, that none of them really understood, but it was probably for the best. The whole team watched in silence, letting Morgan vent the frustration they all felt, because it helped them overcome the shock after having learned what had happened to Reid.

.

"Hotch, I'm going to the hospital right now," Morgan informed in a voice that left no argument, after he had calmed a little, even though his hands were still clenched into fists. And to be honest, Aaron really had no objections. He now wanted one of the team with Reid at all times anyway, because something was definitely going on here. There was almost always a reason when an UnSub changed parts of his MO. And Hotch knew that it was because of Reid that their UnSub had done things differently, even though he hadn't figured out why or what that meant for Reid, but he was determined to get there.

And Morgan could probably best relate to Spencer, given his own history. And Hotch figured that Derek also wanted to apologize for triggering Spencer's memories of the rape by calling him "pretty boy", no matter that it had been totally unintentional.

So Hotch simply nodded, before cautioning: "But Morgan, don't pressure him. If he doesn't want to talk to you, he doesn't have to. Just leave him be and support him until he's ready."

Morgan shot him a glare at those words, because they were completely unnecessary in Derek's opinion. But then he nodded, before he left without another word.

.

Hotch watched him go, before he turned to the rest of his team again, observing them quietly.

JJ had a hard time holding back her tears, Emily had a supporting hand on her arm, while her other hand was clenched into a tight fist. Rossi had his lips pressed together and Hotch could easily see the anger shining in the other man's eyes. Even Garcia, who had listened in over the laptop, was pale and unusually subdued, tears streaming down her face. Aaron sighed, rubbing his temple again, before addressing the whole team: "I know that it's hard, but we need to treat Reid like any other victim, so that we can solve that case and put the man, that did that to Reid and the others behind bars."

Sure, Hotch knew, that they were all professionals, but once in a while a case got too personal and with Reid being a victim, it was damn personal, so he felt the need to remind them, that they had to keep their emotions in check, no matter that it would be hard for all of them, him included. But Hotch felt proud of his team, that his words had the desired effect and they pulled themselves together to be profilers again. And if JJ's voice wavered slightly and Garcia still had tears in her eyes when they talked, Hotch could ignore it, since they were making progress, especially with the name Reid had given Hotch.

.

to be continued...

Well, in the next chapter there will be a confrontation between Reid and Morgan and that probably won't end pretty... and there will be more reaction of the rest of the team, I promise *smiles sheepishly*

I hope you liked this chapter. And for Reid's age, since this is set after The Internet is forever in season 5 and he turns 30 in True Genius in Season 7, I figured that he'd be around 28 in season 5, so that's the age I'm going with *smiles*


End file.
